2nd Annual Thanksgiving Food Power Rankings

We are back folks! Last year, I wrote a blog power ranking my thanksgiving foods. This will be very similar but with age my pallet and opinions have matured. I have shifted a few of the big dogs around while added a couple pals to the back end.

Now onto the rankings we go. I am tough when it comes to ranking Thanksgiving foods solely because I keep it as basic as possible. There is only one opportunity to eat foods served on Thanksgiving so I load up on those and leave no room for the sideshow fluff.


This is by far the most important piece of Thanksgiving. Without the big ol’ bird, there is no Thanksgiving. There is not much more to say about the turkey. I love turkey. I love turkey sandwiches. It has always been very high on my list of meats. While we are at it, I am absolutely sick of all the hate turkey is getting on the line these days. I want you to close your eyes for a second. Imagine yourself sitting down at Thanksgiving. Your mouth is watering from the aroma. You open your eyes to feast on your plate. You look down. Ham. The turkey is replaced with ham. Gravy doused all over a piece of ham. Sounds gross. Without turkey, there is no Thanksgiving, enough with the turkey hate.


The garnish of the entire Thanksgiving meal. The gravy allows everything to slide down your throat with ease. Think about trying to eat Thanksgiving dinner without gravy, Aunt Bertha is now giving you the heimlich . If the turkey is the Kris Bryant of Thanksgiving then the gravy is the Anthony Rizzo. The Cubs are not World Series Champions without their MVP but someone has to keep that entire team together. Anthony Rizzo and gravy. Those two bring everything together. Who would have thought I would be comparing gravy to Anthony Rizzo? Never know what you’re gonna get here folks! Lastly, gravy is usually only served at Thanksgiving so do not go easy on the gravy. Fuller should have gone easy on the Pepsi, do not do the same with the gravy.

Mashed Potatoes

This is a change I made from last year’s iteration of the power rankings. I had stuffing here but decided I am done being bullied by society. Sure, we only get stuffing once a year but the mashed potatoes/gravy combo is one that simply cannot be beat. I will also admit I am biased, potatoes are one of my favorite foods period. They are the most versatile food on Earth but that is an entirely different blog.


Question for the masses, why do we as a society only eat stuffing one day of the year? It is a damn shame that this wonderful schmorgus board of goodness only gets enjoyed once a year. Stuffing is fantastic and should be enjoyed more often. End of story.

Crescent Rolls

I am about to give you a vital, veteran tip for your Thanksgiving meal. You might usually skip the crescent roll or eat it with butter at the beginning of you meal like an amateur. When you are in line on Thursday, grab a crescent roll. At the end of the meal, this crescent roll will act as a zamboni. Take that bad boy and make sure that plate is clean then make sure to brag to your Grandma/Aunt/Mother that you are part of the clean plate club. They won’t think it is weird if a man in their 20s/30s do that, I promise…

I understand if you want to waste your valuable stomach real estate with vegetables. That is just not for me. I take my fork and load it up as such: turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy. Every single bite. Wash, rinse, repeat. You only get this combination once a year and it truly is one of the great wonders in life. 

Happy Thanksgiving folks!

P.S. Apple pie is the go to pie choice for dessert. Pumpkin pie is trash.


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