Hard Knocks Ep. 1: Hard To Watch

Hard Knocks is back and that means football is officially back. Each Wednesday, you will be blessed with my thoughts on the entire episode. Think of it as a bunch of live tweets in blog form. I know it is hard to pay attention to a show, read twitter, and tweet out your thoughts so I will be littering your brain with mine weekly. Let’s begin folks.  

Ray Donovan being the voice of Hard Knocks always throws me for a loop. Every single year. He is a cold blooded assassin, not someone hiding behind a microphone.

Jon Gruden is still the best, leads off the season with a quote that makes you want to run through a wall. I could listen to the man talk for days on end. He is one of the more unintentionally funny people in football but then will make you think you can conquer the world. He also will invite your wife and kids over for dinner. A true gentleman. 

Antonio Brown, still a jackass.The first scene you see him he says he is just trying to make the team like everyone else then arrives to camp in a hot air balloon. You are not trying to make the team like everyone else. Please do not forget that he made all of his teammates in Pittsburgh hate him and drove himself out of town. He is the definition of a diva.  Also how does someone get frostbite using cryogenic therapy? Was anyone not watching him do this? I feel like that is something you should have a professional monitor but what do I know. I will admit, “AB for after burners” while he flies down the sideline like a clydesdale was incredible. Still a jackass. 

Derek Carr is a try hard, seems like a guy who is always trying to get a point across. Running his family indoor basketball game like a drill sergeant. The kids just want to have a little fun in the house guy, they aren’t looking for box out lessons. He is so cringeworthy, I am not looking forward to an entire season of him.

Once the horses came on screen, you knew Lil Nas X wasn’t far behind. 

At least the Last Chance U star got cut in the first episode. HBO saved us drawn out heartbreak, better to just rip the bandaid off quick. Sure, it hurts but just for a little my friends.

I think Jonathan Abram just followed the camera crew around. He did not shut his mouth. Not once. He got annoying real quick.

Seeing the Mayor of Flavortown on the screen was the highlight of the night. Guy Fieri owns every single room he enters. The guy oozes electricity. While we are at it, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives is a top tier hangover show. There is always a marathon on so no need to have to find the remote to change the channel. Give it a whirl next time your head is pounding, you’ll thank me later.

Lastly, the black and silver will always be intimidating. The Raiders being the villain of the NFL while dominating in their last season in the Black Hole would be a great story. I am not sure how they can turn heel and become the bad boys but they should. Vontaze Burfict and Richie Incognito are known bullies. Chucky and Jon Gruden go together like lamb and tuna fish. Antonio Brown knows how to stir up controversy. The Raider fans are intimidating. I think I just created a storyline folks. 

Overall, the episode was underwhelming. It will be very tough to follow up the act the Browns had last season. My expectations for this season have been tempered but we need a little more umph. 

Next week, we got a little preview of Gruden and McVay bantering back and forth. I imagine McVay uses FaceApp and Jon Gruden appears in his screen. Little bit of a stretch of a joke but you get what I am saying. Jon Gruden is Sean McVay in 30 years. Whatever, I’ll see you guys next week.

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