The Only MLB Hall Of Fame Ballot That Matters


The National Baseball Hall of Fame will announce the 2019 inductees today at 6pm EST. No sport on the planet takes their hall of fame more seriously than baseball. Good luck getting in if you cheated on your algebra test in 6th grade. Any sort of moral mishap pretty much bans you from stepping foot on the hallowed grounds of Cooperstown.

Luckily for all of you, Tin Tidwell had a vote this year. I am putting in my vote for all the realists out there. This is a museum to honor the greatest players in the game and damnit that is what we are going to do!

The Baseball Writers Association of America allows you to vote for up to 10 players. You must receive 75% of the votes to be inducted and can only be on the ballot for 10 years. Here are all the nominees this year:


Without further adieu, here are the votes I sent in on my ballot.

Barry Bonds


Spare me your steroid talk. Barry Bonds is the greatest hitter in the history of the game. He played in an era riddled with steroids. Everyone was injecting themselves with god knows what, the playing field was even. Barry Bonds hit day in and day out. End of discussion, he belongs in the Hall.

Roger Clemens


With a nickname “The Rocket”, you better back it up. Roger Clemens did just that. A top 5 pitcher of all time belongs in the Hall of Fame. Same story as Bonds. don’t care that he did steroids. Everyone was. The only knock on Clemens is that Chet Stedman fit the nickname “The Rocket” much better than him.

Sammy Sosa


You’re gonna tell me someone who helped save baseball with a historic home run chase in 1998 is not going to be in the Hall of Fame? Please. Slammin’ Sammy should have been in on the first ballot. I will not be taking any further questions on his skin color, thank you for your time.

Manny Ramirez


One word to describe Manny…electric. I love everything about Manny. He had no idea what he was doing out on the field but damn that man could hit. He came up in clutch situations time after time. If there is a phrase describing your antics which is essentially you being you then you belong in Cooperstown.

Todd Helton


Coors Field, Schmoors Field. Todd Helton played 140+ games 11 times in his career, he hit over .300 in each of those seasons. Consistency folks! He was also replaced at Quarterback while at Tennessee by Peyton Manning. That has to count for something right?

Mariano Rivera

MLB: Toronto Blue Jays at New York Yankees

This one needs no explanation. The greatest closer in the history of the game should be a unanimous selection. I already hate the voters who decided not to vote for him because he was going to get in anyway. You suck, you old bag.

Roy Halladay


Rest In Peace to Doc Halladay. He was the grind it out ace before Jon Lester. He was a gamer and will for sure be honored in Cooperstown.

Andruw Jones


A lot of people have different definitions of the word beautiful. Some think nature is beautiful. Others think the human body is beautiful. You know what is beautiful? Watching Andruw Jones catch a baseball. Seriously, open up a new tab, type in youtube, and just watch Andruw Jones at his craft. It is so beautiful. I think he belongs in the Hall of Fame for that alone. I don’t care about his stats, don’t care that he also probably took steroids and randomly hit 51 homeruns one year. He patrolled centerfield better than any other defender in the history of the game.

Gary Sheffield


Find me someone who swung the stick more ferociously than Gary Sheffield. If I was playing third base when Gary Sheffield stepped up to the plate, I would have just pooped right there. Right on the field. That is how scared I would have been. He got so much out of every single swing, it was truly impressive. He is getting alone simply on the ferocity of his swing. That is enough in my books.

Juan Pierre


Everyone loves to talk about grit nowadays. Juan Pierre defined the word grit in baseball in the early 2000s. Scrappy players deserve love from Cooperstown as well. He played the game as hard as he possibly could all while being 5 foot nothin’ and 135 pounds soaking wet. It pained me to even put that picture of him in that Marlins uniform up but it had to be done. You were part of breaking my heart long ago Juan Pierre but I will always love your dedication to the sport.

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