What to do with all of this money…


The Mega Millions just hit $1 BILLION. BILLION with a B.

People across the country are scurrying over to their local convenience store with dreams of hitting it rich. The fact that it the winnings are this high only means more people will go to sleep with the dream of waking up to wipe their ass with $100 bills.

Of course, I am one of those people. The thoughts of what I would do if I won this money have now crept into my head. Let’s say take home after Uncle Sam takes his cut is around $450 million. You now have enough money to pretty much do whatever you want for the rest of your life.

I am quite the conservative spender so I have to imagine I could make said money last my entire life and my children’s lifetime and hopefully their children’s lifetime.

I think you start with quitting your job. Anyone who says they would not quit their job is a flat out liar. Imagine heading into work  Monday morning knowing you have $450 million in your bank account. You think you would continue to have other people tell you what to do. Absolutely not. Sure, you can be a good person and put in your two weeks notice but good luck keeping your secret. I would go into work, slap my boss in the face with hundreds, and be on my merry way.

After you quit your job, you then contact private jet companies. You figure out how you are going to get yourself one of those with a full time pilot because you are going on vacation baby. I would go on vacation for at least a month straight. Travel all over the world. I would invite whoever I can stand enough to be around for an extended amount of time and have the time of my life.

The real question is what do you do after you have a year of completely living your dream life? Buying a sports team sounds awesome but that honestly seems like so much work. I am trying to do the opposite of so much work if I have half a billion dollars in my Chase account.

I would obviously buy a few houses, make sure I have a nice vacation home. I would  take care of those around me that I care enough about. I would hire my favorite band to play a private concert with a setlist created by yours truly. I would pay Theo Epstein whatever it costs to be involved in everyday Cubs operations simply as a shadow. Maybe I can give my two cents every now and then.  I don’t want any actual responsibilities though. I would rent out Wrigley Field just to play catch and have someone hit me fly balls for hours. Possibly see if I could hit one over the ivy into the bleachers. I would probably go see a doctor that could make me look like an absolute snack. There are doctors that can just make you more attractive right? Yep, plastic surgeons probably. Go see one of those people. Hire a chef. Go to all the bucket list sporting events I want. I would buy enough socks so that I can put on a new pair every single day. I would purchase all of my clothing custom fit. Other than that, I would probably just continue to live my life with no real responsibilities and the realization that I will never have to check my bank account again.

Best of luck to all of you but this most likely will be the last blog I ever write. It was fun while it lasted.

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