Ranking The Monumental Birthdays Of Life


Shameless plug, it is my birthday.  I am turning the exciting age of 28.  Birthdays have not been extremely exciting for the last few years for me.  Once you get past the post college age, birthdays just become a nice dinner and a crock pot from your parents.  Nothing wrong with a crock pot, I am actually thrilled with the present.  It just isn’t the same as getting a trolley with 40 people and bar hopping for your birthday.  Getting old has its benefits but when it comes to your birth day it does not.

While in the shower this morning, I had the shower thought of which birthdays are actually the best.  The one caveat to this list is I obviously am not old enough to celebrate a few of these ages on here.  I am just going to use my imagination and experience from those older than me.

21st birthday

Other than your birthday parties as a child, there is no birthday that will top the 21st birthday in my opinion.  At this age, you have your group of friends in college.  You know enough people to gather a large group of people willing to get blacked out with you.  Yes, you have been drinking for years but there is something about being legally able to drink.  I am jealous of anyone near this age, for you are still in college.  I could go on and on about the vacation that is college but we will move on folks.

16th birthday

This is another monumentous moment in a young chap’s life.  The day you finally get your drivers license.  You no longer have to call your mom to pick you up.  You can now drive all your friends around.  If you were a privileged white kid like me, you acquired a car of your own for no money.  It is a moment of time where you just feel absolutely free.

50th birthday 

A birthday that I have not had but I think would be a good time.  At this point in your life, you are cemented in your career.  Your kids are most likely off at college and are completely out of your hair.  The empty nest life after years of chaos has to be absolutely liberating.  You also are halfway to 100, how exciting!

40th birthday

In my opinion, this is when this list starts going downhill.  You are most likely in a shit storm in terms of children at this age.  They are probably in the teenage years and I cannot even imagine how awful that is.  Knowing what I did as a teenager, I do not know how parents go to sleep at night without fear of their children dying or ending up behind bars.  I think you could have a solid party for your 40th but then you have to worry about getting a sitter. Screw that. I am not looking forward to 40.  Hell, they made a movie about this age.  You know it isn’t good when they make a movie about how miserable you are in this stage of your life. Pass.

18th birthday

Let me clear on this one, you are still at a fantastic age.  College is in your future.  You are still in high school so people probably decorate your locker.  Your Facebook wall is littered with posts, or whatever social media high school kids use nowadays.  Your phone is most likely blowing up because you have so many friends at this age.  The downside is there really is no benefit to turning 18.  You can now legally get into R rated movies, sweet you have been doing that since you were 12.  You can now vote, you won’t do this anyways.  You can now legally buy cigarettes, no one smokes cigarettes anyways.  You can now legally buy nude magazines, only Billy Madison still does that.  The age is great, the perks that come with it not so much.

30th birthday 

This is by far the most depressing birthday in my opinion.  You are either freshly married, starting years of kids right in the face or you are single and starting to wonder if you are going to die alone.  Some of your friends are multiple kids deep, while some still think they are in college.  It is an age of limbo land.  You also have to finally come to the grips that you are getting old.  While you are in your twenties you always have that.  You have youth, people look at you like you are still in college. Now, you are 30.  You are still young by most standards but in your head you feel old.  You start to lose touch with modern technology and pop culture.  You hate bars with loud music.  You would rather stay in than go out.  The overall stress of life really weighs heavy on you.

And on that note, I will end this lovely post.  Happy birthday to me, have a day everyone!

One thought on “Ranking The Monumental Birthdays Of Life

  1. If you are turning 28 today, without a child, how do some of your numbers work out? You would have had to have a child by your 27th for them to be a teenager at your 40th. Also, kids in college by your 50th, “kids” would be multiple meaning you need to have two kids in the next four years. It takes 9 months to have a baby, so you better get moving asap.


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