It’s time to stop slandering straws


Recently, I have seen a couple stories of restaurants ditching straws in order to save the environment.  While I am all for saving the environment, I am not for straws having to suffer because of this.  I am also not okay with all of the slander straws have received throughout the years.

A straw is one of the most functional utensils there is.  I think they would be considered a utensil, I am not sure what else they would be considered so we will go with a utensil.  I think the straw slandering started in with bros across the nation.  They deemed it “girly” to sip their whiskey coke out of a straw in the bar. You’ve seen it plenty of times.  Brad either takes his straw completely out or folds it over the side of his drink and drinks straight out of the glass like a man.  I never understood this.

First off, you do not look more manly drinking straight out of the glass.  In fact, you look like a fool with those drips of coke on your mustache.  Coca cola folks, get your mind out of the gutter.

Second, the ice cubes almost always come up and splash against your upper lip.  Do you people enjoy constantly having to wipe your mouth like a savage after every single sip of your beverage.

Third, the straw serves more than just one function.  It is a fantastic mode of transportation for your drink to your mouth.  It also stirs your drink.  You know the first couple sips of your drink that are most likely without alcohol? I have great news, that beautiful plastic cylinder will make it so you get alcohol in every single sip.

I hate the slander straws have been getting in recent years because they serve a fantastic purpose. It is time to take a stand against those taking a stand against straws.  Now do me a favor and figure out if a straw has one hole or two.

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