JR Smith is one of the greatest characters in sports history. The antics he has pulled throughout his NBA career are of the utmost legendary status. Earl Joseph “J. R.” Smith III added to his resume Thursday night. JR Smith was suspended by the Cavaliers for detrimental conduct. There was no exact reason given on Thursday night, those fireworks were saved for Friday morning. It was reported that JR Smith was suspended for throwing a bowl of soup at assistant coach Damon Jones.
Assuming Damon Jones did not get whacked with this bowl of soup, this story is awesome. Take a second and picture JR Smith winding up and chucking a full bowl of soup at an assistant coach across the room. This is where the big question comes in. In that picture, what soup was flying out of the bowl? I have a few good options as to what would be best.
Split Pea Soup
Serving split pea soup to your players before an NBA game would be a SAVAGE move. Not only does it have an absolutely putrid smell but it also couldn’t be a worse color. This would be disgusting. It is not the most dense soup on Earth so this one would come flying out of the bowl all over the place. Staining the walls, clothes, innocent bystanders. Gross.
This soup would be coming at you with the highest velocity. There are a lot of solid pieces in gumbo, it is one of the heaviest soups you could throw. This also could hurt a lot based off all these different things that could hit you. Damon Jones goes from having soup thrown at him to having a crab claw stuck in his neck.
French Onion Soup
This soup could legitimately burn your face off. Don’t ask me why, but I have always been under the impression that French Onion soup is hotter than all the other soups. It may be the melted cheese on top, who knows. This soup also smells so you now have a Harvey Dent looking face while smelling like onion boy.
Chicken Noodle Soup
The most basic of soups, odds are this is the soup that was thrown at Damon Jones. Not a whole lot of weight to this one so it most likely wasn’t traveling too fast. This soup doesn’t really smell and you have to imagine would be a very easy cleanup. If JR just threw this at Damon Jones then he didn’t even deserve a suspension. Any of the above soups and JR should be suspended for multiple games.