Which horrendous cube-mate do you choose?


Often times I scroll through Instagram or Twitter and see hypotheticals like this.  I am a BIG hypothetical question guy, I think they create for great discussion and you can really judge just how dumb your friends are.

Today we get to decide which associate you would like to share this wonderful corporate world with.  To me, there is an obvious answer to this one but I will let you decide for yourself.

Hannah-Just got engaged

Hannah most likely is not a terrible person most of the time.  She gossips often about Real Housewives and the Bachelor but for the most part she is pretty normal.  The kicker here is Steve just proposed to her.  You heard the story literally the second she walked in the door.  She has been flashing her ring around for a week now.  You have heard the story about how Steve put a trail of rose petals leading up to her apartment door and she opened the door to him on a knee asking her to marry him.  Hearing this story is just too much to hear over and over, I can’t sit next to Hannah.

Lewis-known farter

This is quite self explanatory.  You cannot sit next to Lewis.  He will smell up not just your area but also your clothes.  Your being will now smell like Lewis’ farts.  If you are cool with that then go ahead and choose Lewis.  If you are a sane human being who doesn’t want to smell like a port-o-potty then don’t pick Lewis.

Dayzie-wears all natural deodorant 

Similar to Lewis, this is another one that you just cannot have.  There are few worse smells than body odor.  Odds are Dayzie is very into the Earth and most likely is a vegan. On top of having to constantly smell Dayzie’s body odor, you will have to hear about the world’s ecosystem and how awful Donald Trump is all day long.  Dayzie, I cannot stand your smell or take on life in general.

Wallace- is like 100

Wallace is the choice here.  Wallace most likely does not care about his job anymore.  He realizes that his time on Earth is very limited at this point.  Wallace is willing to shoot the breeze with you at any given moment.  He has lived on this Earth long enough to have more than a few stories.  He can teach you many things about this thing called life. Wallace can add endless entertainment to your otherwise mundane, boring cubical job.  Grab a seat Wallace, let’s hear about the Great Depression.

Brice-microwaves Tuna

Brice is simply someone that cannot be trusted.  I actually do not mind tuna, the problem here is people will think you are the culprit.  Another problem is if you think it is okay to microwave tuna in an office setting then you most likely will commit a more serious crime later on in life.  Brice will be onto something much more serious soon and honestly I cannot share an office with a future fugitive of the law.

Shiloh-only listens to Radiohead

I would think about Shiloh the dog every single time I started to talk to this woman.  Granted, she probably wouldn’t say much back to me but I would be too focused on that poor dog.  I don’t mind Radiohead but Shiloh’s emotional, dark outlook on life would be entirely too much for me to handle on a daily basis.

Caleb-does crossfit

Surprisingly enough, this is the only other option I considered here.  I like to workout (no big deal), I actually like crossfit a lot.  I would probably enjoy hearing about crossfit from time to time.  Caleb most likely will not shut up about crossfit, there lies the issue.  I do not care to hear about what the WOD is today or how much he cleaned yesterday.  I don’t care to hear about his time on Murph or how he is down 3% body fat

Susan-from Human Resources

Another one that I think is very obvious, you can’t sit next to someone where you will constantly need to be on edge.  You can’t gossip or complain about work to Susan ONE BIT.  Imagine if you couldn’t complain about your job at your job, that sounds miserable.  Susan is also probably extremely up tight, she just really is not someone I think I would get along with.

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