With the Opening Ceremony happening today, I figured what better time to give my loyal readers some exciting sports to watch. The Winter Olympics are baby brother to the Summer Olympics. It isn’t really close, the Summer Olympics are much better. That does not mean you can’t slam a few beers and obnoxiously cheer for the good ol U S of A whenever you get a chance. Here are a couple of the more exciting events to watch this year.
This is by far the best sport in the Winter Olympics. Shuffle board on ice, what more can you possibly ask for. The key here is to root for people to fall, which honestly is the case for most Winter Olympic events if we are being honest. Another thing to root for is people bumping into the stones as they call them. I feel like that would lead to mass chaos and a curling fight would really be a sight to see. It is awesome watching people sweep furiously when trying to control these stones. I may start sweeping my floor like that in my apartment, it seems quite efficient
FEEL THE RHYTHM! FEEL THE RHYME! GET ON UP, IT’S BOBSLED TIME!
You would be doing a disservice to Sanka and the Jamaican bobsled team by not watching this event. I am convinced Cool Runnings brought this sport mainstream and I will accept no other explanation. Other than that, I mean cmon these sleds are going upwards of 95 miles per hour on ice. Crashes in this sport are actually terrifying so do me a favor and do not root for crashes. Okay fine, one last Cool Runnings clip…
Watch speed skating solely out of the respect for Apolo Anton Ohno. Similar to bobsledding, this sport is exciting because of the speed these skaters are moving at. They are so close to the ice on turns and they blades on their skates have to be 3 feet long. Falls in speed skating are okay to cheer for since they seem to slide on the ice forever before actually hitting something. Cheer for falls in speed skating, but if they are deadly then please don’t laugh
I will admit, I do not know a whole ton about ski jumping but I am all in. This may be the closest thing to flying a human can do. The world record for a ski jump is 832 feet, for reference that is almost 9 basketball courts long. These jumpers legitimately look like missiles being shot out of a cannon. It is really something to see, this gets the Tin stamp of approval.
This sport is INSANE. You could not pay me any amount of money to perform this. Besides the fact that I do not know what I am doing, it seems like death would be the result from a mishap. They are going around 80 mph, inches from the ice, on blades that are centimeters wide. God bless these human beings, you are much braver than 99.9% of the population. You will not find a more badass helmet in Olympic sports, I will guarantee that…
It does not get more patriotic than that, USA indeed miss.
Figure skating is basically sex on ice. It is beautiful and the judges are ruthless. This sport is fun when you judge it yourself. Take it all in, act sophisticated, and just scream 7.8 Johnny!!! Speaking of Johnny, figure skating also gives us a glimpse at one of the most electric commentators in sports. He only get to come out every 4 years so he brings the heat, none other than Johnny Weir..
He brings it every single day. It is incredible the outfits he shows up in. Every 4 years, this is Johnny Weir’s Super Bowl and he comes out victorious every single time. Not to mention this is the sport that creates the most stars. Tara Lipinksi, Kristie Yamaguchi, and now Nathan Chen. This is the can’t miss star for the stars and stripes.
There it is folks, there are plenty of other sports as well to watch. Snowboarding with Shaun White is always a good time. Hockey is always entertaining regardless of who is playing. Crack open a few gold ones and obnoxiously cheer for your country. You only get to do this every few years so soak it in. I will send you off with the greatest Team USA of all time…