Meet Your 2020 XFL Starting Quarterbacks

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Yesterday Vince McMahon announced the the legendary XFL would be returning in 2020. Over the next couple months, the 8 teams will be announced.  I am here to tell you will be under center for these teams.  Vince McMahon also claimed that anyone with a criminal record will not be able to participate.  I am not going to abide by that rule because that rules out Johnny Manziel.

Without further adieu, I give you your starting quarterbacks for the debut year of the XFL.  I realize some of these quarterbacks will be older by then but this is to put asses in the seats.

Johnny Manziel

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Let’s be real the XFL needs Johnny Football.  His fall from grace has been an absolute spectacle to watch but it seems he is ready for a comeback.  Vince McMahon’s best bet would be to make him the face of the XFL.  Market the entire league around him and allow Johnny to be Johnny.  Anytime he surfaces in the headlines, people pay attention to what he is doing.  He is the most polarizing figure in college football history, do the right thing Vince, it’s #ComebackSZN.  Let’s get Johnny’s thoughts real quick…

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Tim Tebow

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By 2020, Tim Tebow will have already sniffed the big leagues with the Mets.  He will get a late September call up, respectively bat .185 but have one homerun.  That homerun will create national news.  That is the power Tim Tebow wields.  He is another person that will make headlines regardless of what he does.  Vince, if you do not want criminals in your league then you better put Jesus himself under center.  Tim Tebow is probably the second most polarizing athlete in college football history.  It would be wrong to exclude him from one last shot to prove he has better quarterback skills than Billy playing youth PAFA football right now.

Robert Griffin III

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RGIII, a career derailed by injuries and supplemented by inspirational Instagram posts.  RGII had won a Heisman trophy and was fresh off a Rookie of the Year campaign when his ACL played victim to the turf at FedEx field.  He was never the same after that ACL tear and then was sent to Cleveland where quarterbacks go to die.  He since has been waiting for that call from the NFL, this will finally be his time to shine.

Let’s get it Robert.

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Colin Kapernick

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Let’s be real here, Colin Kaepernick has been blackballed from the NFL.  No team is going to sign him at this point, no one wants the media shitstorm that will follow him.  Since he is the poster boy of kneeling during the National Anthem, Vince will make an exception for him.  Colin was at one point a pretty decent quarterback and quite electric at that.  People forget that before all the kneeing bologna, he actually led the 49ers to the Super Bowl in 2012.  Welcome back Colin.

Baker Mayfield 

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The true heel of college football. By 2020, Baker will have already been forced off the New York Jets after a couple off field issues in the club in New York City.  Johnny Football need an arch rival, Baker Mayfield is that guy.  He has had so many on field antics with the opponent that he would be the perfect XFL quarterback.  Trash talk all you want Baker, grab your nuts after every single first down.  Plant flags in midfield at halftime, go crazy man.  This will be the young star of the XFL that Vince needs.

 

Ryan Leaf

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Everyone loves a good redemption story, we will get that with Ryan Leaf.  Yes, he will be around 43 years old by the time the XFL starts in 2020.  That isn’t important here, Ryan Leaf is one of the biggest busts in draft history and he is looking for revenge.  After years faltering in the NFL, he struggled and finally hit rock bottom with drug problems.  He has recently been telling his story to inspire others to get clean.  It is time for Ryan Leaf to be a little selfish in terms of his football career.  He was always overshadowed by Mr. Nationwide Peyton Manning, time for him to be the Tommy Maddox of this version of the XFL.

Jared Lorenzen 

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Don’t you absolutely love when a lineman catches a ball on offense? How about a lineman stumbling down the sidelines after recovering a fumble?  Now imagine someone that is the size of a lineman playing quarterback.  That is Jared Lorenzen.  For years, he amazed us all as he flourished as quarterback of the Kentucky Wildcats.  He then went onto the NFL and actually won a Superbowl as Eli’s backup. Most recently you saw him in the Continental Indoor Football League playing for the River Monsters.  Come on back Jared, football needs more people your size playing quarterback.

 

Jay Cutler 

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Let me set the scene for you.  It is 2020, Jay Cutler just had a year in the booth broadcasting.  It did not go well as he was having issues at home with his girl Kristin Cavallari.  Fox will have cut ties with Jay after they realize his no care attitude led to him saying some racial slurs.  He will be fresh off a divorce and leaning on alcohol to forget his problems.  Enter an outlet for Jay, the XFL.  Jay Cutler can fully embrace the heel role people undeservedly gave him his entire NFL career.  He will proceed to actually smoke cigarettes on the sideline while slinging balls into triple coverage regularly.  We missed you smokin’ Jay Cutler.

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